THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES 皇帝的新衣

Far away, in a time long past, there lived a travelling tailor who found himself in an unfamiliar country. Now, tailors who move from place to place normally keep to themselves and are careful not to overstep the bounds of local decency. This tailor, though, was overly gregarious and decorum-impaired, and soon he was at a local inn, abusing alcohol, invading the personal space of the female employees, and telling unenlightened stories about tinkers, dung-gatherers and other tradespeople.

远在很久以前，有一个裁缝行游四处，发现自己来到了一个陌生的国度。通常，那些辗转各地的裁缝都会独来独往，小心翼翼地不逾越当地礼仪。而这位裁缝则过分自来熟到失礼的程度，不出多久便开始在当地客栈酗酒，侵犯女性员工的私人空间，侃谈些修补匠、粪农和其他一些商人的俗套故事。

The innkeeper complained to the police, who grabbed the tailor and dragged him in front of the emperor. As you might expect, a lifetime of belief in the absolute legitimacy of the monarchy and in the inherent superiority of males had turned the emperor into a vain and wisdom-challenged tyrant. The tailor noticed these traits and decided to use them to his advantage.

警察在收到客栈老板的诉状后，便缉拿裁缝，押送至陛下殿前。如您所料，毕生沉浸在君主制绝对合法性及男性固有优越性中的帝王早已蜕变为虚荣且之力水平有待商榷的暴君。裁缝敏锐洞察到这些特征，暗自思衬着将其加以利用。

The emperor asked, ‘Do you have any last request before I banish you from my domain forever?’

皇帝问道：“在我将你永远驱逐出境之前，你还有什么最后的请求吗？”

The tailor replied, ‘Only that your majesty allow me the honour of crafting a new royal wardrobe. For I have brought with me a special fabric that is so rare and fine that it can be seen only by certain people—the type of people you’d want to have in your realm—people who are politically correct, morally righteous, intellectually astute, culturally tolerant, and who don’t smoke, drink, laugh at sexist jokes, watch too much television, listen to country music, or barbecue.’

裁缝答道：“还望陛下赐我殊荣，为陛下量身定制全新衣装。小人手上有一特殊布料，只有贵国那些政治正确、品德高尚、智识敏锐、文化宽容且不抽烟、不饮酒、不笑性别歧视笑话、不沉迷电视、不听乡村音乐也不烧烤的人才能看见！此布料极为稀有珍贵，不能成为陛下身上衣实在可惜！”

After a moment’s thought, the emperor agreed to this request. He was flattered by the fascist and testosterone-heavy idea that the empire and its inhabitants existed only to make him look good. It would be like having a trophy wife and multiplying that feeling by 100,000.

在濡着法西斯主义和重雄性激素的言语糖衣裹挟中，皇帝扬眉瞬目，思衬片刻便准允了。恍惚间只觉外界单为衬托他而存在，快意较怀拥花瓶娇妻万倍有余。

Of course, no such rarefied fabric existed. Years of living outside the bounds of normal society had forced the tailor to develop his own moral code that obliged him to swindle and embarrass the emperor in the name of independent craftspeople everywhere. So, as he diligently laboured, he was able to convince the emperor that he was cutting and sewing pieces of fabric that, in the strictist objective sense of reality, didn’t exist.

当然，世上并不存在这种布料。裁缝多年来游离于正常社会秩序之外，早已被迫内化出自己的一套道德准则，驱使自己以独立工匠之名欺骗、羞辱皇帝。同时，裁缝勤恳忙活的动作也成功取信皇帝，让他真以为裁缝在用那块神器布料裁剪衣物。即便那种布料严格客观现实意义上来讲并不存在。

When the tailor announced that he was finished, the emperor looked at his new robes in the mirror. As he stood there, naked as the day he was born, one could see how years of exploiting the peasantry had turned his body into an ugly mass of puffy white flesh. The emperor, of course, saw this too, but pretended that he could see the beautiful, politically correct robes. To show off his new splendour, he ordered a parade to be held the next day.

一经裁缝宣布大功告成，皇帝便站在镜前端详自己的新衣袍。透过镜中那坨呼吸着的、如初生般的光裸白肉，隐约可督见被经年剥削农民的沉重喘息。皇帝当然也清楚自己真正看到了什么，但装作一副看到精美而政治正确新装的模样。为了彰显他的全新威仪，又谕令明日游街。

On the following morning, his subjects lined the streets for the big parade. Word had spread about the emperor’s new clothes that only enlightened people with healthy lifestyles could see, and everyone was determined to be more right-minded than his or her neighbour.

隔天大早，臣民们在街道两旁列队静候那盛大游行。有关皇帝新衣的传言迅速传开：只有生活健康、心灵开明的人才能看见。所有人都暗下决定，比他或者她的邻居思想更为正确。

The parade began with great hoopla. As the emperor marched his pale, bloated, patriarchal carcass down the street, everyone loudly oohed and ahed at his beautiful new clothes. All except one small boy, who shouted:

游行在喧嚣中开始。皇帝拖着他那苍白，浮肿父权式畜体挪动街头时，所有人惊叹连连，赞叹不已。除了一个小男孩，高喊着：

‘The emperor is naked!’

“皇上没穿衣服！”

The parade stopped. The emperor paused. A hush fell over the crowd, until one quick-thinking peasant shouted:

队列一凝，皇帝一滞。全场鸦默鹊静，直至一个机智的农民高呼：

‘No, he isn’t. The emperor is merely endorsing a clothing-optional lifestyle! ’

“不，不是。皇帝只是在宣扬穿衣自由！”

A cheer went up from the crowd, and the throngs stripped off their clothes and danced in the sun, as Nature had intended. The country was clothing-optional from that day forward, and the tailor, deprived of any livelihood, packed up his needle and thread and was never heard from again.

人群又爆发出欢呼声，齐齐扒了身上的衣服，在太阳底下跳舞，仿佛生来本该如此。自那天起，帝国便成了穿衣自由的国度。至于那位裁缝，则没了谋生的门道。收拾收拾针线，消失在坊间。